Understanding the Rain

I have a really, really hard time understanding the way God works sometimes. I know that I am supposed to relax, not worry, not question, and let Him work His will, but then I see some of the painful things that happen to such good people and it just makes me so sad and confused.

For those of you who don't already know this, I haven't exactly had the easiest time on the pregnancy road in the past. I have dealt with 3 preterm births, and between Barrett and Norah, I had 3 miscarriages: one at 11.5 weeks, one at 5 weeks and one at around 9 weeks. I was a complete nervous wreck the entire first trimester with Norah, and to a lesser degree this time around. Also, after the terrifying way Norah came into this world, I now feel a little bit like a ticking time bomb, a feeling which I'm pretty sure is only going to get more pronounced the further I get into the pregnancy. I pray daily that things will go smoothly this time around, and that the progesterone shots will work and that we will be able to have an easy, joyful ending to the beginning of our life as a family of 6.

That said, I realize more and more all the time that despite the pain and difficulties we went through with our past pregnancies, we are so, so very lucky. Because in spite of the many bumps in the road along the way, I am now blessed to have 3 beautiful, healthy, intelligent (if incredibly mischievous) children. Heck, when it gets right down to it, I'm even thankful for the mischief! I just have so much to be thankful for that it breaks my heart when I read about people who are going through more difficult situations than I can even personally fathom.

I want to ask all of you that pray out there to please, please lift up prayers for one of our 2006 brides, Megan, and her husband Brent and their sweet baby Cohen. She is about 23 weeks along right now, and they found out a week or two ago that baby Cohen is faced with some pretty tough odds due to a rare heart defect. I just bawled when I read about it, because I cannot imagine the struggle of going from the joy of knowing you are going to be a mother in a few short months to the panic and sadness of hearing that your baby might not make it. I am just praying right now that he will make it, and that their test results will all come back good and that the doctors will know exactly what to do to fix him.

This is the kind of thing that makes me have a hard time understanding God sometimes. Because I know that I am supposed to pray that whatever is in His will is what will happen, and that I am supposed to just pray for peace for the family and trust that the outcome is what was supposed to take place. The thing is, I just can't make myself pray that. All I can let myself pray is that the baby will be okay, because any other outcome is just unfathomable to me. The whole situation just makes my insides ache. I guess I'm not supposed to understand, and neither is anybody else. I guess we are just supposed to trust. I will work on that, but I can't make any promises.

In the meantime, please lift up a prayer for Megan's tests this week, that the results will be hopeful and give her some peace. Also, while I'm at this post, which is making me cry anyway, I would like to add continued prayers for the Adams family in Little Rock to your list. They lost their sweet Mamie last year, and I just read that they have been given the go-ahead to try for another baby. I just pray that Mamie will get to have a healthy little brother or sister as soon as possible, and that the Adams will be blessed with an easy pregnancy when the time is right.

There it is again, that hard stuff. "When the time is right." I put that on there because it is what I know I am supposed to pray, but just so you all know, I am actually praying that they will get pregnant as soon as humanly possible. Patience really is a virtue, but one I don't exactly have in spades.

Thanks for listening and praying for these good people, and I'll try to make my next post a happy one!