Today is April 10. Riley's due date. It also marks a month since this picture was taken on the night before we found him. The night before our world fell.
Pretty sure this picture shows the last time in my life I was or ever will be truly happy. I know this acid fog that fills my mind and lungs will lift, and days and months and years will pass as life goes on in its "new normal," but losing Riley has changed me. It has hit me like a 2x4 in the face. It has not enriched me or made me stronger. I am not kinder, more patient or more present. I am not better. I am just broken.
A month is so long to not have held our baby. My heart aches. My arms ache. I miss him so much it physically hurts. Surviving a month in this horrible reality has been so impossible. I just can't believe we have to spend the rest of our lives here. 
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