C-Sections Are Evil, But We Survived!

Well, despite our high hopes of a VBAC, it didn't end up working out that way! I am mostly okay with it, because I feel like we gave it a really good shot. We had started the Pitocin, and 11 hours into hard labor, I was at 5 cm. I feel like things were really picking up, but at about that same time, they took my temperature and determined that I had spiked a fever. They then became concerned that if I continued to labor for a few more hours, that Shiloh might be very sick when he got here, and we definitely did not want that!

So after about a million Pitocin-induced contractions (ouch!), we ended up with the c section anyway! I was TERRIFIED when they said they were going to go ahead and proceed with surgery. I didn't realize how truly scared I was about the possibility until it was actually happening. They had already started prepping me with hard-core spinal anesthesia and assorted antacids and anti-nausea meds when I really started panicking. At one point I even asked if they could go ahead and put me under for the procedure, because I was just pretty sure that I couldn't do it. They pretty much told me that yes, I in fact could, because I was doing it one way or the other right then! And it turns out they were right. I survived after all!

As they took me back, I just closed my eyes and tried very hard to pretend that I was somewhere else. I did not really open my eyes or acknowledge that I was there and that it was actually happening until Jason came in to sit with me right as they were about to start cutting. I did manage to come back to reality long enough to take his hand, but then I returned to my happy place of complete denial of the situation until all of a sudden, I heard the baby crying! I had expected the surgery to hurt much more than it did, or for there to at least be a lot of pressure or something, but it was actually not that bad at all!

And once he was out, I was just soooooo glad that he was breathing on his own and crying that I almost stopped caring that I was on an operating table while awake. (which still seems totally unnatural, may I say!) He was doing so well after he was born that Jason even got to carry him over to me for me to peek at his precious little face and give him a kiss while I was still on the table. I was very thankful for that.

Then Jason went with the baby to the nursery and I was left there to be sewn up. The only part that really hurt was when they were putting everything back inside me. Apparently the local anesthesia had started to wear off a little, so I could feel a lot of pain and pressure as they were trying to get everything to fit again. Not a good memory, but thankfully the anesthesia guy was nearby with Versed and other assorted drugs to dull my experience of it a little and to dull my memory of that particular time. Probably a good thing! They also put a long-acting painkiller into the spinal space called Duramorph that worked wonders for my pain control over the first 24 hours.

After that, NOT SO MUCH. The Duramorph wore off about the same time as they stopped doing the IV painkillers, which left me in a pretty miserable state today. At various points, I have had to have Jason help me up to even get to the bathroom. I just feel so red and swollen and overwhelmed with pain that at times I kind of want to just give up. But then I realize that it is time to pump, so I prop myself up on pillows, think about the baby while I spend 15 minutes or so with my good friend Medela, and then make the not-so-long-but-very-slow walk down to the NICU to get to see Shiloh!

The pain is a little better now that they have it regulated with a combination of pain pills and ibuprofen. Still not great, but a lot better. And I guess you're not supposed to feel like Super Woman the day after major abdominal surgery! What has helped today more than anything is that Shiloh is doing so very, very well! He has been breathing perfectly with no outside support since birth, and he has also been tolerating his feeds perfectly!

He got to nurse for the first time this morning around 5:30, and it was such a sweet, special time. I think it was what he had been wanting all along. He latched on like a pro on literally his first try, and he managed to stay awake and alert enough to continue his nice, strong, rhythmic sucks for the whole time they let him nurse. I cannot tell you how thankful I was for this! It is such a blessing. The nurses all marvelled at his amazing talents. ; )

After that, they switched him to where he is on all bottle feeds now instead of any tube feedings, with 2 nursing sessions per day. They will add in more nursing sessions as he continues to do well and as my milk comes in. (Which I hope will be really soon! Please!)

It is so nice now that he is on all feedings by mouth, because we get to go in for each feeding and hold him and cuddle him while he heats and for 30 minutes afterwards. This time with him is probably the very best medicine I could get! It is still so odd not to have him be inside of me, and it is even more strange to not have him just right here with me all the time. I feel biologically driven to cuddle him, so the time we have with him now is priceless to me. I just can't wait until we're all safe and sound (and hopefully pain-free!) at home! Hopefully it won't be too long.

Thank you so much, everyone, for all of your prayers, support, gifts, well wishes and kind words while we get through all this. I don't know what we would do without our family and friends right now. I appreciate every one of you!

More pictures to follow soon, I'm sure, but for now, I'm going to go grab a bite to eat and get ready to go feed our sweet baby boy at 6:00. I can't wait to see him again!