***Disclaimer - I understand that circumcision is a very touchy subject, and despite the light tone I took in this blog post (I tend to approach most things with an upbeat attitude - it's just how I am!), we really did a RIDICULOUS amount of research on the pros and cons before we decided to go ahead with it. Not to be mean or to "mutilate" our precious boy, but because we always try to do what is best for him, and we knew from our research that it would be better and less traumatic to do it sooner rather than later. Everyone is welcome to leave whatever comments they want on this post, but circumcision is a personal choice, and this is a personal journal of mine where I think I should be able to feel free to talk about the different dilemmas and joys we face as parents. It's not easy being responsible for 4 little human beings, but we, as most parents, are doing the best we can!***
Well, today it was time for one of the Hudson men to lose a little something down where the sun don't shine! No, not Jason (at least not just yet!), but poor Shiloh made a trip to the doctor for a little "procedure." Let's just say it hasn't been exactly our best and brightest day around here! Poor little guy.
The doctor decided not to do the circumcision before he was released because Shiloh was so small, and the doctor didn't want to tax his tiny preterm system. Instead, they decided to wait until he was about "7 or 8 pounds." Well, lo and behold, we went in for his 2-month checkup and our little guy weighed in at 9 pounds, 7 ounces. All that milk is clearly going to good use!
Which meant that by the time they got the thing scheduled (today), he was a whopping 10 pounds, 1 ounce and 10 weeks old! This means that my sweet, bright, happy little baby who knows exactly what is going on, by the way, had to go in and be strapped down to what appeared to be some sort of medieval torture board while they gave him a series of injections around the shaft of his penis (a dorsal penile nerve block), snipped the tip so they could retract the foreskin, applied a Gomco clamp to his little boy parts and sliced off the foreskin with a scalpel. And I had to watch the whole terrifying thing!
It. Was. Awful.
At least for me. Not so much for him, since he actually slept through most of the procedure and spent the rest of it sucking furiously on my finger, seemingly overjoyed at his introduction to sugar water. I, on the other hand, was slightly traumatized. It is a very good thing that I read up on the procedure and exactly what to expect beforehand, or I think I might have freaked out a little. It was pretty gruesome.
He seems to be doing okay now, just a little fussy, sleepy and clingy. Much like he is after he gets his immunizations, actually. Overall, I'd say the whole experience wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting. And I was very glad to be in there, even though it was hard to watch, because I think having me in with him to soothe him throughout the procedure was one of the things that helped him stay so calm throughout.
Still, I think the whole concept of circumcision is strange. When they asked me before he was born, I was all for it, but then once we were settled in at home, I started to have second thoughts. Then as the day approached, I really started to question the wisdom of removing a portion of such an important part of his body, so I did a lot of reading on the risks and benefits. The anti-circumcision folks are VERY LOUD about it, and after reading a few articles from that perspective, I was really starting to think maybe it wasn't such a great idea. Then my sister and I got together and did a little Google-image research to find out exactly what an adult uncircumcised penis looks like, and my mind was made up. Immediately. ; )
Seriously, I still don't know where I stand on the risks versus benefits issue. I think the anti-circumcision people scream a little too loud and hype up the long-term negatives (a lot), and the pro-circumcision people probably exaggerate the benefits. In fact, I think there might be a lot of truth to the article I read that said that circumcision is "a remedy still looking for a disease." But since despite my misgivings, he won't remember it, and it will make his little man parts easier to keep clean, potentially protect him from a variety of diseases and maladies later and also allow him to look the same way his dad and brother look, which I think is important as you are growing up. And thankfully, we both survived intact. Well... mostly!
Now off to an evening of cuddling and nursing in hopes of making up for the trauma of the afternoon. I think it is just what the doctor ordered for both of us!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
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Funny that you feel about human genitals the same way Sudanese men do for example, as their daughters are held down and the clitoris and labia cut away, usually with a razor blade before they are sewn up. Of course to get pregnant your husband would have had to cut you open, then you'd have been cut open for the birth and right now you and Shiloh could both share in the fact your genitals have recently been stitched up. Your son deserves better than a mother who chooses to have his genitals mutilated
ReplyDeleteWow, someone thinks their opinion is a little more important than it really is...
ReplyDeleteI think you were very brave to watch the procedure! We had two girls, but before we knew if our first one was a boy or girl, we discussed whether we would or not. I ultimately decided that since my husband is a man (obviously), he would get to decide...since he knows the "territory". He said, "absolutely he will have a circumcision" and we left it at that.
Well, person from Queensland, Brisbane, Australia, writing from the Safari program on your Mac, so nice of you to attack me about a very personal decision my family made (and that I wrote about on here on my personal blog which you don't have to read if you don't like it and which I only wrote about because I know so many other moms face the same choice, but we seldom talk about it) without even so much as bothering to identify yourself. The cloak of anonymity provided by the internet makes even the most cowardly among us seem brave, doesn't it.
ReplyDeleteWhile you are certainly entitled to your opinion, as are we all, it is out of line for you to imply that I am a less-than-worthy mother because I made an informed medical decision for my child, one that has been made by millions of other mothers for thousands of years. I think I am exactly the mother Shiloh deserves.
I did my best to learn as much as possible about both sides of the issue, researched the procedure and the pros and cons of the different methods available of performing said procedure and asked the doctor a long list of questions about concerns that I had. We discussed pain relief, and decided on Tylenol, a dorsal penile nerve block (the same approach they take when the procedure is done on adult males) and sugar water. I made sure the person who was performing the procedure was competent (he is the head of pediatrics at a local hospital and has performed hundreds of circumcisions), and after reviewing all of the information and taking into account the cultural, social and medical aspects of the operation, I made what I felt was the best decision for my baby.
I then breastfed him prior to the procedure so that he would be as calm as possible and stayed with him, holding his hand, stroking his hair, speaking soothing words and giving him my finger with sugar water on it to suck on throughout the procedure so that he would have as easy of a time as possible. Which he did. He cried more when I put him in his car seat to GO to the doctor than he did the entire time we were there. Afterwards, I nursed him and brought him home and continued to offer him Tylenol and free access to nursing. He has not seemed to have any more discomfort than he would normally have after routine shots.
Because we did this now, he will be saved not only the emotional discomfort of being "different" from his family members, but also the physical discomfort associated with the assorted infections he would be more likely to get as a child and teenager, as well as giving him a measure of protection against diseases like HPV and HIV in his adult life. It also saves him the potential physical and psychological trauma that he would be likely to suffer if he had to have the procedure done later in life due to complications from infections or other factors.
There is a big huge difference in having a medical procedure done that does not do any long-term harm to your child and that you genuinely feel is in their best interest, and in female genital mutilation, which removes all possibility of sexual pleasure from the woman, and according to you, requires further surgeries for her to bear children. Big difference. HUGE.
(to be continued in the next comment)
(Continued from above)
ReplyDeleteAdditionally, I'm not sure you're well informed about the process of circumcision, because it did not involve any stitches or bleeding. If you learn more about the procedure as it is done with a Gomco clamp and an Olympic medical board, as it was today, you will see that it is not the barbaric procedure you are imagining. It was hard to watch, in the same way that it is hard for me to watch my kids get shots or get teeth filled (which sounds equally barbaric if you describe it in the same joking manner in which I described the process of circumcision earlier), but it was by no means a miserable experience for him or one that will cause him a lifetime of negative and painful medical consequences.
Next time, it might benefit you to do a little research about BOTH sides of an issue, as I did, before you fire shots at loving mothers from the shadows about something you CLEARLY know nothing about.
Now, off to go cuddle my sweet baby and tuck the big kids into bed. Thank you for writing your little rant... It allowed me to provide an even more detailed explanation of why we made the choice we did in the best interest of our son.
Have a good night!
Oh, and thank you for being reasonable, Britnee! That was exactly the reaction my husband had! : )
ReplyDeleteYou are the exact, perfect mother that is intended for Shiloh and the rest of your beautiful kiddos. I know you know that already, but I wanted to remind you :)
ReplyDeleteWho cares what some nameless, faceless critic says. Go mom! Go Shiloh! Speedy recovery for little man.
ReplyDeleteThe anonymous personal attack was uncalled for - probably a circumcised man who identifies more strongly with your baby than with you.
ReplyDeleteAnd who knows what Shiloh will think about it when he grows up? That's the big question few mothers ever ask. He may think it's OK, many men do. Unscientific polls suggest as many as 50% of circumcised men wish they were intact, while the vast majority of intact men are happy to be that way - and an intact man can choose to be circumcised at any time, while a circumcised man is stuck with it. In countries where it's not customary, only one in thousands ever need it, so comparisons between doing it now vs doing it later hardly ever need to be made.
As you say, circumcision is a personal choice - about as personal as it could possibly be. What about leaving it to the person most concerned, when he is old enough?
The claims of health benefits need to be treated with care. Just "reduction in risk" is not enough when the risk is very small, as it is with most of the diseases circumcision is supposed to be good for. Using the circumcision-advocates' own figures, hundreds or thousands of circumcisions are performed in vain for every disease prevented.
The usual reaction of intact boys when they learn why they are different from their fathers is not "I want to be cut to look like you" but "Poor daddy!" and with the rate down near 50%, fitting in is not an issue.
Whatever you may think of the look of intact genitals, that's what most men in the world have, and their women are fine with them. Did you see the gallery at http://www.circumstitions.com/Gallery.html (NSFW but not porn) where you can see the whole man as well, to put them in context? If you saw a gallery of just intact female genitals, some would be pretty unappealing, too.
@Britnee: since your husband is (presumably) circumcised, he is actually not in as good a position to know what intactness is like as you are. At the risk of straying into Anonymous's territory, how would you feel about having less than you do?
Thank you for the invitation to leave "whatever comments you want". I'm only sorry I couldn't have written earlier, but maybe for someone reading this, I have.
Oh, Hugh, whoever you are - thank you for commenting! You said many of the things that my husband would write were he on here with me today.
ReplyDeleteWhen our son was born, we made the decision that we would let our son decide if he wanted part of his body removed. My husband wishes that he were given the same opportunity. He is not intact and he often wonders just how different things would feel if he were. There HAS to be a difference.
Kori, thank you for sharing and I want to let you know that no one (no one sane at least) is going to honestly compare you in any way to a Sudanese man. It's obvious that you are a thoughtful, loving, and caring mom.
But I have to tell you that your post hurt me. First of all, the description! My stomach was upset, seriously, after reading the description of the procedure - I can't imagine what you felt experiencing it. And then, when you finally gave your reason for actually going through with the procedure - you stated that it was because of the appearance of an uncircumcised penis. That's my little boy your talking about! And so many women's husbands. How sad to ;) at the fact that some people look in a way that is not pleasing to you. How sad for me to think about my son someday baring his body to another and she ;)'s to her friends when talking about his private parts.
I do not agree with your decision, but I respect you as a mother who made the decision she thought was best for her son. But, from the tone of your post, you looked at the pros and cons and finally made the decision based not on the medical facts, but a totally cosmetic reason. Your words: "My mind was made up." "Immediately."
I have read so many debates on this topic and the one thing that it comes down to for many people is that they want their son's penis to 'match' their fathers/brothers/etc... I mean, seriously, I've yet to see a Christmas card where dad and lad hang it all out there for the whole world to see. My son does not match his father, but like Hugh said, he's more likely to say "Poor Daddy, part of your wee-wee is missing" than he is to ask for us to tie him down and let someone cut part of his off in order to be like his father.
I'm sorry for being facetious, but it just seems so silly that this is still an issue for anyone who is not Jewish. I can't wait for the day when circumcision is seen as the cosmetic procedure that it so clearly is.
Lindsay- Just to clarify, the ; ) was not intended to make fun of the way the adult uncircumcised penis looks, it was intended to indicate that I was only joking about the comment that my mind was made up "immediately."
ReplyDeleteWe did look through the pictures as a means of being more fully informed (I honestly didn't know what it looked like!), but my unfamiliarity with it was by no means a deciding factor. I only winked to indicate that I was not being serious.
Just wanted to make that clear! Thanks for your input!
Good grief!! I had no idea how heated this topic is! Thank you for commenting back to that totally uncalled for "anonymous" comment. Comparing circumcison to female genital mutilation is just crazy. It was pretty easy for us bc as a nurse I see the health benefits of circumcision, and there are many. Not to mention, being like dad is important: )Sorry you had to receive such a harsh comment but you responded very well. You are an awesome mommy, to all 4 of your children!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I am not the same anonymous who posted the first comment! Although it looks like Kori will know everything about me anyway...lol
ReplyDeleteI was so happy to read about the diligence and care you put into your decision, and then so disturbed to read that first comment.
This is one of those deeply personal decisions for a family to make and I don't understand why people, no matter how strongly they disagree, feel the need to judge or criticize others for the path they choose. I personally don't think their is a "wrong" choice here. Kudos to you for making an informed, thought out decision.
On a side note, the meaning of your comment and " ;) " was plainly obvious. I think someone is just trying to pick a fight...
Sorry for the snooping... They were being mean, and it was on my nerves! : )
ReplyDelete