Body After Baby... The Terrifying Truth!

It seems like there are a lot of things about your body after you have a baby that they neglect to mention and/or elaborate on in the go-to pregnancy manuals. They do a pretty good job of going into great (sometimes gory) detail about the pregnancy and the birth, but then the books switch gears and focus all of their efforts on the tiny adorable bundle of sweetness and light that came out of you and conveniently ignore the sad, deflated packaging from whence the baby came! Nobody seems to talk much about the grim reality that greets you in the mirror about 3 weeks after you have a baby. Having personally witnessed this sight only moments ago, I can tell you... It isn't pretty! Fixable? Yes. Pretty? No.

Right after you have the baby, you're so busy staring at him to make sure he is still breathing that you don't have much time or energy to notice or care that you still look 6 months pregnant. And in truth, I don't even mind the first part, because after all, YOU JUST GAVE BIRTH! It's a great excuse. And we've all seen pictures of women right after they give birth enough to know that the belly will still be there. Most moms will consent to pose for a picture with the baby right after he is born, despite the fact that we all look terrifying, because we're just too stinking happy to care. But then the moms seem to disappear from the family photos for a while until she magically reappears in the photos of the baby turning one, with mom looking fabulous and as if she had never given birth at all. But what happened between the birth and the birthday party? You probably don't want to know.

But in case you DO want to know, I am going to tell you. Isn't that nice of me? : )

So we've established that right afterwards, you still look (at least) 6 months pregnant. Then, for 2 or 3 weeks, through a combination of processes by which you expel a ridiculous quantity of excess body fluids (I won't go into detail, but I will say that it involves an inordinate amount of peeing), your belly shrinks as if by magic. And then one day (apparently at around the 2 and a half week mark if my current situation is any indication), it just stops. One morning, you're still losing a cool half-pound or so a day, and the next morning nothing happens... And the next... And the next! Once you realize that your miraculous weight loss has stopped, you know that you have entered the most dreaded part of the post-partum period: The Mush Belly Phase.

This phase, which is aptly named for the St.-Nick worthy "bowl full of jelly" belly that you will have for the next several months, is characterized by droopy skin, excess fat around your entire midsection (somehow your back will also become involved, but don't ask me how!), and a generalized feeling of anxiety and frustration that sets in once you realize that you have ABSOLUTELY NO CLOTHES IN YOUR CLOSET THAT FIT. Maternity clothes are too big (and also a little demoralizing at this point), and your pre-pregnancy clothes won't even slip up over your newly voluptuous post-baby thighs. Forget about being able to zip them! You can see why this stage is not ideal.

Although I am currently mired in this frustrating state, I am trying to see past it to the other side... To the "New Normal" that awaits if you bust your booty in the gym for several months in an effort to get your body back. (Note: if you are only 20, and this is your first baby, the Mush Belly Phase will be decidedly brief and the working out part may be skipped. After the age of 20 or a second or subsequent baby, sorry, the gym is your only option!!) I keep reminding myself that I have stared in horror at my post-baby image in the mirror 3 other times, and all 3 times things have ended up just fine a few months down the line. SURELY I can do this one more time... Right?

The "New Normal" may not be perfect, but at this point, it's looking pretty dang fantastic. And I am ready to head that way! The only thing standing in my path right now is that, technically speaking, I'm not supposed to be working out yet. And from a nursing perspective, it's not a good time to start cutting calories, since Shiloh and I are still establishing our breastfeeding relationship, and to stop eating when I am hungry could potentially impact my milk production. And then we would have an unhappy baby, which trumps an unhappy mommy any day! So what's a girl to do?

Walk. At least that's my theory. I'm setting a goal to get out and walk for at least 30 minutes 3 times this week. It's not much, but I think it falls within my allowable post-c-section activities, and it is sure better than nothing. This baby fat is not going to lose itself, so unless I want to go out and buy a whole new chubby-girl wardrobe (no thank you!) or go join a nudist colony (which trust me, nobody wants right now), then something will have to be done to lose this baby weight. I knew I shouldn't have eaten all those dang Hardee's Burgers and Braum's Heath Bar Mixes when I was on bedrest! Aaaaagh!

Oh well. Today is a new day, and if I start walking myself in the right direction, every day will be another step away from the Mush Belly Phase towards whatever my "New Normal" body will be at the age of 28 having given birth to 4 (beautiful!) children. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it won't be so bad!